Would You Wear These?

Ok, I know what you are thinking. When they are laid out like this they don't look so bad. Maybe I should emphasize a few aspects of these sweaters (which belong to Gas Monkey). Let's start with the grey one. No 30 year old man should be wearing a too tight turtleneck sweater with deep ribbing. Now the one on the right. The faded pattern itself is not offensive, if you can overlook the stain in the middle of the chest, and the fact that it is way too short for Gas Monkey. These are only samples from Gas Monkey's closet.

Every year we go through Gas Monkey's closet (he has at least three times as many clothes as myself). Today I was doing laundry, and I came across these two sweaters while storing his winter clothes. The thought that crossed my mind, "how did these get through probably three or four elimination rounds?" They are each 10 years old at least. I asked Gas Monkey this. He claims one was given to him by an ex-girlfriend and he picked up another girl in the other. Once again, I asked myself how these two made it through four elimination rounds. So I came up with a creative solution (unfortunately I cannot implement this solution until winter, so somebody please remind me).

Next winter we will go through another elimination round. This usually happens in the winter because he has tons of winter clothes since his birthday is days before Christmas. Here is the deal. We will sort Gas Monkey's clothes into keep, give-away, and trial. The trial pile will be clothes that Gas Monkey wants, but I see no reason for him to keep. Each day he has to wear a shirt/sweater from the trial pile. If he does not want to go out in public in one of these trial shirts, then it goes in the give-away (or throw away) pile. If he successfully models these trial shirts for an entire day, work days included, he can keep them. If not, goodbye. The only flaw with my genius plan is sometimes Gas Monkey wears the ugliest shirts all the time. Regarding these two "womanizing sweaters" we may have to make a special exception. Gas Monkey will have to wear them into a bar and if a woman, any woman, buys him a drink, then he can keep them. I'm extremely confident he will be successful.

P.S. Gas Monkey loves that all of my posts are about him. It demonstrates my everlasting devotion and love.