Jumping Ship

WARNING: For the sake of your sanity, nobody need read the following post as it is admittedly whiny. I just had to vent, and my only outlet is the black hole that is the internet.



Woe is the day I had to move out of my parents house and start taking on my own bills. Even more, woe is the day I left Utah to come home to my family, friends, and unemployment. Luckily, I had enough money saved to help me pay my bills for September and October. My parents paid my bills for my birthday. Now I'm in the worst month of the year to be unemployed, having bills to pay, and Christmas presents to buy. Not to mention a new mortgage payment.

Today the recycling guy pointed out to me that two of the tires on my Suburu are flat. They were leaking less than a month ago, and I filled them with air. Now they are leaking again. So . . . what do I do? I'd rather pay health insurance and my energy bill than buy new tires. I don't need my car now, I probably will when (and IF) I find a job. So much for being in the holiday spirit.

Staying home everyday being pressed by these financial matters is very depressing. While I wanted to stay home for awhile (as in not working in the field in another state), I think I might have to take another field job, or least start applying to them, just to pay the bills. I wanted to wait until next March/April, but I don't know if I have a choice. Here are some other things I'm doing to save money.

1. Not buying anything for Christmas, so expect some lovely homemade gifts and Merut coupons.
2. Spending a lot of time in the kitchen making things completely from scratch, like vegetable stock, cooking and freezing dried beans, making bread, making pasta, making tortilla chips, pretty much anything I can think of. Not eating meat every night, and avoiding buying any prepackaged food like chips, juice, candy, cookies, crackers, etc. I'm desperately trying to avoid the ramen noodle diet
3. Not eating out, which we have maintained since we moved in. Although we lapse once a week.
4. Going to the library. I know this seems obvious, but I have an addiction to bookstores. But I don't have the money or the storage for more books (I had to donate about 1/3 of my personal library already).
5. Not getting my oil changed, which means I don't drive me car very often
6. My house is always at 60 degrees. Any lower and my jaw sets very tightly
7. A major decrease in liquor
8. Avoiding taking Corin to the vet for his annual exam. I'm a bad pet owner. But the brat is driving me crazy with his attention-grabbing antics, so I'm assuming he's healthy. And he's still up-to-date with his rabies shots.

I'm sure there is more, but so be it. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't spend most of my day in complete isolation. Books, internet, tv, and cooking only do so much to maintain sanity.

Currently I am reading A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, but also In the Heart of the Sea, by Nathaniel Philbrick. Heart of the Sea is about the tragedy of the Essex, where in 1921 a whaling ship was sunk by a sperm whale, and the crew was set out to sea long enough for them to go crazy and begin sacrificing each other so they'd have something to eat. It is pretty metaphorical for how I feel lately, like I'm stranded at sea with only my own company to keep. And slowly nothing to eat or drink. I'll have to wait until a Job Vessel comes to my rescue before I jump ship.

But don't worry. I know I'm not alone and my situation is not unique. I'm not seriously depressed. Just weary and worried. Don't start planning an intervention or anything.