Me vs. the Cats

I am losing and not happy about it (yeah, I'm not winning many battles here). Corin has always enjoyed knocking things off counters, nightstands, coffee tables, etc. However, he has taking a passing interest and developed an all out profession. Our cheap alarm clock from Walmart went from working pretty normal, to being extremely quiet, to now screeching in a fingers-on-the-chalkboard sort of way.

The next lovely behavioural development - if there is a glass of anything, he cannot resist knocking it over. Here's the scene. Corin tentatively moves his paw towards the alluring glass of water, in slow motion just to give us enough time to notice, and as soon as we shriek in protest, the glass is on it's side and water/beer/wine/milk/juice is seeping into our carpets or running across the floor. And then Corin looks at us, "What? You didn't think that was fun too?"

While I have learned to babysit my drinks, and have wrapped the alarm clock cord around my bed lamp, the real clincher is the kitchen counters. Corin and Carson have always jumped on the counters, but only in passing. Now, if I leave so much as a fork in the sink, moments later I'll hear a distinct, urgent licking sound coming from the kitchen. I carry my squirt bottle with me whenever I'm eating, but the cats would rather risk it. As soon as they know they've been caught, they squint their eyes, but in a stubborn act of defiance, do not jump off the counter. They are obviously thinking, "Squirt me, it's worth it. If I survive I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Chocolate cake yum yums."

I don't want to be that person who has cats jump on the counter. It's gross. I have to wash the counters over and over to make sure I get all the hair off. This has to be why cat ladies go crazy. As of right now, the probability of the cats surviving the winter decreases ever so slightly with each passing lick of the counter (and as I write this I hear a set of paws contentedly land on the tile floor behind me). I think I might cook Kung-Pao Cat for dinner.