Wedding Conditions

Ok, I know I've gotten tons of questions about my pending nuptials. However, we've been buying a house, so it hasn't been a priority. Before I begin this list, I'd like to say that I don't really want a wedding. Gas Monkey does not want a wedding. I would rather get to use the money to travel to Europe or Asia or Australia or Africa for a couple of weeks. I know that if I get a wedding, I won't get to have my honeymoon. But without a wedding I won't get a honeymoon either. So either way, I'm doing this to make other people happy (and Gas Monkey agrees, but on a stronger level). So, if I have to put on a show for other people, I am not going to be a puppet. Here are my conditions. I'm sorry this is a very abrasive blog, I'm not intending to offend anybody. It is just the way it is.

1. We don't have a date. But probably in August or September or next year.
2. It will be in Colorado. In the mountains, and outside (I'd like to do Estes Park, Durango, or another place that has meaning to us. But it will depend on the expense).
3. I don't want to spend more than $10,000, period. It is not the greatest moment in our lives, but the beginning of it. No reason to be in debt for a long time or put that kind of burden on my parents.
4. No cake. I don't think the ritual has a lot of meaning. There is always one of two outcomes. If you throw the cake in the face it is predictable. If you don't, you're stuck up. If anybody wants a cake that bad, they can pay for it. I'd rather bob for apples.
5. No God. If you wanted a religious ceremony, perhaps said people should have taken us to church a few times. Or just read the Bible to us. Either way, no religious ceremony.
6. Family needs to get along. I'd love for all three families to be able to go to the reception dinner, sit at the same table, and have small talk, even if it is just about the weather. This is a marriage of not just Gas Monkey and I, but of our families. My family is too small to act as a buffer. I know this is not a whole lot to ask. Gas Monkey and I don't want to worry about other family drama at our union.
7. No destination wedding. I don't want to spend my honeymoon with family. And I don't want to place that kind of financial burden on other people.
8. I hate dress shopping (and shopping in general), but I know it must be done.
9. Small, maybe 75 guests.
10. No dancing. Gas Monkey and I hate dancing. And we can't agree on music.
11. No sitting around making small talk the whole event. I want to do something active, like play cards or softball. I realize this is not plausible. However, I'll take any suggestions that can make it fun, active, and still represent us.
12. Ultimately, to have fun. Like real fun. I hate being the center of attention. I need to be distracted.
13. Please note: I am not a party-planning kind of girl. I'm not the dream-wedding kind of girl. I hate the idea of holding a wedding so everybody can criticize the details. In the end, I don't care what flower arrangements, or what kind of dress I'm wearing, or what my bridesmaids are wearing (they are going to be given a color. Then I'll say, "go forth and be successful").
14. I am not traditional. So don't expect me to be.
15. Gas Monkey is required to have an active role in the planning. If I have to do it and have opinions, then so does he. End of question.
16. There will be no bride's side and groom's side. It will be first come first serve, without any separation.
17. Since it will be a small wedding, the guest list will include our friends (i.e. no friends of our parents/grandparents that we have never met), immediate family, aunts/uncles (and spouses), cousins, grandparents, and in my case great grandparents. But this is not a family reunion. So don't expect it to be. 75 guests remember.
18. I want to have a friend marry us (since there will be no priest). I think it should be one of Gas Monkey's friends, or I'm a supporter of having B do it (not because she is family, but because she is a close family friend, but not a parent, that has helped us out from the beginning), but Gas Monkey needs to help make this decision.

As soon as I have provided acceptable solutions to these conditions then we will seriously begin planning. Gas Monkey feels he is just there for the show. He will be contributing, and he will be a part of of the planning. He's not just going to show up the day of. After all, he initiated the whole thing by claiming to want to be with me forever. And it would be sad to have a husband who got one of his degrees at the Art Institute, but couldn't come up with any ideas.
Now I hope I haven't offended anyone. I realize some of these conditions are hard to swallow. Just remember it is our wedding, not yours. If Gas Monkey has preferences contradicting mine, then I will be willing to compromise. Luckily I have a mother who is very supportive and creative. She is already helping me figure out the details to my liking. But I still need help finding happy solutions. Any suggestions?